Are you staying in your relationship out of fear?

I know this topic well, from the inside. I have stayed in relationships far too long because of my fear of being alone.

When we stay out of fear, we compromise on our needs and our truth because we want to keep the relationship at any cost. And unfortunately, this means we can never have a relationship that truly meets our needs.

It's only when we're willing to let the relationship die, if it's not right for us, that we have the courage to act in a way that creates conditions for a truly satisfying relationship.

That's when we voice our fears, our less flattering behaviors like dreaming about the next Tinder profile when we're triggered.

We can also tune into our inner core: what am I not willing to compromise on? For me, it includes:

• A life where presence with loved ones is a priority

• Growing together

• Living with integrity: saying what we do, and doing what we say

• Intentionally creating joy and ease in everyday life

To make a relationship work, we sometimes need to give up habitual behaviors or priorities. Sometimes we can feel better from these concessions. Like when our partner asks us to do something that we actually also feel better doing ourselves.

But if we give up our "inner core," our deep values about what we want to get out of life, we're probably acting from a place of fear rather than from care for the relationship.

What is your biggest fear about your relationship ending?

And have you made concessions on things you really should never have compromised on?

Sexual Polarity – What Creates Attraction in a Relationship

One of neo-tantra’s greatest contributions to how we understand relationships is the clarification of something often called masculine–feminine polarity. It’s the phenomenon where two people feel a magnetic pull toward each other because they embody different energetic qualities — the feminine and the masculine.

Both men and women carry both energies.

The feminine is feeling, expression, and experience.

The masculine is stability, presence, and awareness.

A way to understand how both live within us

Imagine I’m furious and I feel the emotion rising. I want to scream and stomp my feet. The masculine in me is the part that notices, “something is being activated,” and maintains just enough awareness that I don’t merge completely with the emotion. It’s the part that takes me into a room where I can be alone — so the emotion can be expressed without harming anyone.

The masculine creates the container, and the feminine is allowed to flow.

In relationships

In romantic relationships, partners can offer this to each other: holding space. One partner listens, offers steady presence, and allows the other to drop into their feminine expression and feel what needs to be felt.

This kind of presence can be an important building block for deep intimacy and trust between partners.

Do men and women need to be equally feminine and masculine?

It depends entirely on where each person feels most at home — their essence. A woman can have a primarily masculine essence and may therefore feel most magnetically drawn to someone with a more feminine essence. But in most cases, people born in female bodies feel most alive when they spend more of their time in the feminine — and vice versa.

When can this become a problem?

Imagine a woman who naturally prefers to rest in her feminine, but her partner is unable to offer stability and presence. Instead, he leans on her masculine side. This creates reversed polarity — she ends up holding the masculine in the relationship, even though that isn’t where she thrives.

And because she is naturally attracted to masculine qualities that allow her to relax, her sexual attraction toward him decreases.

This applies in all types of relationships, including non-heterosexual ones, where partners often embody different degrees of masculine or feminine essence.

Isn’t this a bit stereotypical?

It can sound that way — I understand. I questioned these concepts myself at first.But I’ve seen this dynamic in countless couples I’ve coached who lost attraction, and in my own life as well.

How reversed polarity can almost nullify desire. And how a partner who truly embodies grounded masculine qualities can create a nearly irresistible pull.

How to strengthen your feminine or masculine energy to build polarity

To strengthen the feminine:

– Engage in activities that put you into flow

– Dance

– Create

– Do things without a goal, simply because they feel good

– Express your emotions (in a healthy way)

To strengthen the masculine:

– Practice presence and stillness (meditation)

– Train martial arts or other structured disciplines

– Spend time alone in nature

– Give yourself direction: set an intention and follow through

Want support?

If you want help reconnecting with your feminine or masculine essence — or rebuilding polarity in your relationship — you’re welcome to book a free 30-minute clarity call where we explore your specific situation.

Have You Tried these Different Types of Orgasm?

Speaking of orgasms often evokes mixed feelings. On one hand, experts say we shouldn't focus too much on orgasm. On the other hand, everyone talks about how to achieve it — squirting orgasms, G-spot orgasms, full-body orgasms... It can feel confusing to navigate, especially since we're all at different places in our orgasm journey.

Some struggle to have orgasms, others only experience them in certain ways — or only when they're alone. There are many reasons to want to explore your capacity for orgasm. And I believe we should. Because orgasm is ecstasy, and we all deserve more ecstasy in life.

What is an orgasm?

There are many definitions, but one I like describes orgasm as having three components:

1. Pleasure

2. A climax or intensification

3. An altered state of consciousness

   
   

With this definition, more experiences can count as orgasms — not just the "classic" ones. The altered state of consciousness is perhaps the most exhilarating part: the feeling of joy, euphoria, and stillness that follows.

Different types of orgasm

In Daoism, they speak of three gates to women's pleasure – three primary types of orgasm:

💫 Clitoral Orgasm – The Spark of Desire

The first gate is the clitoris – the center of external pleasure. Here our arousal awakens, our fire, and our receptivity to pleasure.

💧 G-Spot Orgasm – Deeper Pleasure

The second gate, the G-spot, leads us deeper into the moment and opens our heart.

🔥 The Cervical Gate – Full Ecstasy

The third and deepest gate is the cervix – the seat of creation. When this gate is awakened, orgasm becomes a spiritual experience where a woman can feel at one with the universe.

Many women only experience clitoral orgasms and therefore miss out on the more powerful vaginal orgasms. And yes – cervical orgasms exist! Pain in that area is often about the body not being ready, or penetration that happened too quickly.

Squirting

Fountain orgasms have become somewhat mythologized, as it’s not very common to have experienced them. They usually occur when we are extremely relaxed, feel safe, and receive ample stimulation of the G-spot. The fluid that is expelled comes from the female prostate, mixed with small amounts of urine, as it passes through the urethra.

The sensation of a fountain orgasm is often described as a total obliteration—in a positive way. A complete letting go, leaving behind a feeling of, “What just happened?”

start releasing tension in your vagina

Many women carry tension in their vagina – often after having had sex without full presence, or when things moved too fast. The vagina protects itself by shutting down sensation, which causes us to lose contact with our full capacity for pleasure.

You can begin to release these tensions by bringing present touch to your vulva. Try doing acupressure on external and internal points, and pause when you find areas that feel tender or shut down. Emotions may surface – let them. It's part of the healing.

there are more orgasms to be had

When you begin to open up to more sensitivity, orgasms can flow freely. The focus on individual climaxes disappears and instead long waves of pleasure arise. In tantra, we also speak of:

💗 Heartgasm – the heart explodes in ecstasy.

⚡ Full-Body Orgasm – the entire body vibrates in pleasure.

🔮 Throatgasm – when ecstasy is awakened through sound, breathing, or penetration in the throat.

Yes, your entire body can become a source of orgasm. And this isn't reserved for a select few – it's available to everyone. It just requires presence, practice, and willingness to explore.

Are you curious about developing your capacity for pleasure and orgasm? Book a free 30-minute consultation, and we'll talk about your unique situation and how I can support you on your journey toward more pleasure and orgasmic energy.