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Sexual Polarity – What Creates Attraction in a Relationship

  • Writer: Sofia Lindskog
    Sofia Lindskog
  • Nov 20
  • 3 min read
Couple in love in sun set, with sexual polarity

One of neo-tantra’s greatest contributions to how we understand relationships is the clarification of something often called masculine–feminine polarity. It’s the phenomenon where two people feel a magnetic pull toward each other because they embody different energetic qualities — the feminine and the masculine.


Both men and women carry both energies.

The feminine is feeling, expression, and experience.

The masculine is stability, presence, and awareness.



A way to understand how both live within us

Imagine I’m furious and I feel the emotion rising. I want to scream and stomp my feet. The masculine in me is the part that notices, “something is being activated,” and maintains just enough awareness that I don’t merge completely with the emotion. It’s the part that takes me into a room where I can be alone — so the emotion can be expressed without harming anyone.

The masculine creates the container, and the feminine is allowed to flow.


In relationships

In romantic relationships, partners can offer this to each other: holding space. One partner listens, offers steady presence, and allows the other to drop into their feminine expression and feel what needs to be felt.


This kind of presence can be an important building block for deep intimacy and trust between partners.


Do men and women need to be equally feminine and masculine?

It depends entirely on where each person feels most at home — their essence. A woman can have a primarily masculine essence and may therefore feel most magnetically drawn to someone with a more feminine essence. But in most cases, people born in female bodies feel most alive when they spend more of their time in the feminine — and vice versa.


When can this become a problem?

Imagine a woman who naturally prefers to rest in her feminine, but her partner is unable to offer stability and presence. Instead, he leans on her masculine side. This creates reversed polarity — she ends up holding the masculine in the relationship, even though that isn’t where she thrives.


And because she is naturally attracted to masculine qualities that allow her to relax, her sexual attraction toward him decreases.


This applies in all types of relationships, including non-heterosexual ones, where partners often embody different degrees of masculine or feminine essence.


Isn’t this a bit stereotypical?


It can sound that way — I understand. I questioned these concepts myself at first.But I’ve seen this dynamic in countless couples I’ve coached who lost attraction, and in my own life as well.

How reversed polarity can almost nullify desire. And how a partner who truly embodies grounded masculine qualities can create a nearly irresistible pull.


How to strengthen your feminine or masculine energy to build polarity


To strengthen the feminine:

– Engage in activities that put you into flow

– Dance

– Create

– Do things without a goal, simply because they feel good

– Express your emotions (in a healthy way)


To strengthen the masculine:

– Practice presence and stillness (meditation)

– Train martial arts or other structured disciplines

– Spend time alone in nature

– Give yourself direction: set an intention and follow through


Want support?


If you want help reconnecting with your feminine or masculine essence — or rebuilding polarity in your relationship — you’re welcome to book a free 30-minute clarity call where we explore your specific situation.

 
 
 

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